I know I promised 5 beer reviews today, but I do have a birthing class to go to that is 2 1/2 hours long. I don’t want to be drunk going to that class. Trust me, the teacher would drop kick me.
My latest review of the day is Oskar Blues Dedviant Dales IPA. Man I am drinking the shit out of some ipa’s lately. Make suggestions if you don’t like it. I’ll gladly drink whatever you tell me I should drink. I love how the packaging has the phrase “Sippin on a tall boy”….that should seriously be on some lower quality beer, which this ain’t. If you liked Dales Pale Ale, you’ll love it’s big boy cousin. He’s sleek, sexy and mysterious. He goes down your gullet hole smoothly and will make sure you get to work on time the next day. Wait no, that’s Hugh Grant. Speaking of Hugh, where the fuck has he been?
The first thing you’ll notice is the nice piney fresh cut grass smell from the can. It is a fact (scientists have done studies) that men LOVE the smell of a freshly cut lawn. This beer, kind of smells like that. But a lawn that was made out yummy cinnamon candy. I never usually say the word “yummy” cause I am a man dammit. Actually I can’t quite figure out what the smell is. It’s nice and familiar. Some sort of citrus. Who gives a fuck about the smell right?!?
The taste is pretty great. The hops all dancing around on your tongue like a drunken sorority girl begging to be noticed. It has a nice creamy taste to it and the bitter after taste is not repugnant at all. In fact it just adds to the over all flavor profile. Did I mention it has a certain “dankness” to it? Of the smokable greens variety? You know, the kind you put in a peace pipe?….pot…I’m talking about pot. I’ve never smoked the stuff (wink wink) but I imagine the similarities. One thing I am grateful for is that this beer is not filling me up with gas. Thats a plus in my book.
Fuck I just noticed this is 8% ABV…at least the birthing class will be fun!
The name Festina Peche conjures up images of mexican woman dancing around a giant fucking hat and possibly getting fucked by a donkey. Wait no, that was a drunk night on the internet when I clicked on a link I probably should not have. Either way, when I pick up a beer that has something other than english on the label, I turn all red blooded American up in this joint. Nah just kidding, America is nuts and arrogant. Just like ME!!!!!
Dogfish head always has some unique brews. From the standard year round beers like 60 and 90min ipas to their seasonals like 120 min IPA, Red and White, Namaste etc etc. Festina is the recent seasonal beer and I was happy to pick myself up a bottle.
Did I read right? It says Peach concentrate on the label. Peach? Peach?!? Alright, I’ll give it a shot. I remember liking the PUSA song “Peaches” back in the early 90’s. The ABV is 4.5% which makes it easy to drink. Need an example? I just finished the beer before this sentence. Maybe because whenever I am bored and go on chat roulette I tend to drink really fast. Its the nerves of seeing random people and dicks. God damn soooooooooo many dicks.
I gave this beer a chance. It drinks a lot like a champagne. Bubbly and dry. Totally has that kicking peach flavor, which is great this time of year. I can see the women loving this beer. ”It totally doesn’t taste like beer! Yay!” It’s ok if women like beer, or beer that doesn’t taste like beer….but seriously I think they would love this beer. And dudes. Dudes that also have a hard on for all things cute. Which includes me!
Its a dry, peachy, bubbly easy to drink citrus explosion in your mouth. Think about having sex with a rainbow. Yeah that’s what you get.
I fucking hate taking off my shoes at the TSA screening area. It really only happens in the US and it’s a bullshit overreaction to terrorism. Today is a rainy day in NYC and I happen to have the day off. I’m watching a documentary called “Please take off your shoes” and as someone who follows whatever the tv tells me, my shoes are off. I just finished eating a hot pocket (healthy, I know) and I wanted to bust open one of my newest beers I picked up.
Introducing Rogues Yellow Snow IPA. Before my first sip I had to keep telling myself “don’ think of dog piss, don’t think of dog piss…shit I thought of dog piss…” I have a problem with word/visual suggestions. I guess we all do, but I try not to do it when it comes to beer, because I fucking love beer. Whether I am drinking “Cream city” thinking of milkshakes, “Panty Peeler” expecting a pair of panties in my beer or “Yellow Snow” expecting dog piss (for fucks sake there IS a dog on the bottle), I have to drink at least half the bottle before I am assured my mind is clear.
Rogue puts out some pretty good beers and I gotta say I love their noir style packaging. It’s always the same dude, but in different outfits pertaining to their styles. For some reason the dude on the Yellow Snow IPA has goggles and a shitty yellow goatee. Oh and there is a DOG with him….Maybe that is the point of the name “yellow snow”. I think we all associate yellow snow with piss.
Yellow Snow has a crisp flavor to it. But I’ve got to say it’s pretty lacking. I was expecting a little more hops, but there seems to be a little more malt going on than anything. Sure there are citrus notes to it and the carbonation is good, but there is nothing exciting going on here. It’s pretty average. Worth checking out, but not really worth hunting down. It’s an easy to drink beer. The ABV is 6.2% and is best paired with spicy food. That might help the overall flavor profile. Don’t drink around animals…you’ll regret it.
I’m doing my best impression of The Chatterer from Hellraiser. I never said I was good at impressions of movie monsters, well except T-Rex. After a long day of sweating I treated myself to a sandwich, some beers and a movie. I’m a good date. Maybe I’ll get to 2nd base with myself tonight!
We just got the Apollo wheat by Sixpoint at my store, so naturally I’m bringing it home to give it a try. This batch is entirely different than the previous release, which I wouldn’t know anything about. Sixpoint has never failed to keep me coming back and I’m glad I got ahold of this. The can is slick and reminds me of marshmallows. Usually when I associate one food item for another based on looks, I expect that flavor. Not this time. Take THAT brain!
I have decided to refer to the beer from now on as Apollo…from Rocky. From a distance you see Apollo hitting the bag. As you move closer he notices you. He makes eye contact. Not wanting to show your fear, you never break your stare. He fakes with his left and throws a right hook. His big meaty fist hits your face at an alarmingly fast speed….but yet its gentle, like a pair of underwear made of kitten fur. Apollo tastes good and goes down smooth.
When it’s hot, reach for an ice cold Apollo, the drink that makes sweet sweet love to your taste buds. Seriously. Apollo is refreshing. Has a slight tart taste to it, but it balances nicely with the carbonation. I’m gonna enjoy the shit out of this this summer. 5.2%ABV
Next on my International Beer review blog is Hell Quollfrisch. It has the word “hell” in it, so I expected a party, until I saw the picture of a Swiss dude in front of a lake getting licked by a dog while he is herding a cow. The dude has rosy cheeks, which is, I assume, because he is embarrassed to be caught in the act of bestiality, or at least the foreplay stage.
It only has 4.8% so I wasn’t expecting much, but I gotta say I actually like this beer. Not knowing a goddamn word on the beer, I have to suspect that all the words mean “kind of like heineken”. I am not a huge fan of Heineken, but I like this beer. Maybe because I’m in Switzerland and I am doing what the swiss do. In America, we’ve become satisfied with mediocrity, hence why we drink heineken, corona et al. Not saying everyone has to buy craft beer, cause that shit is expensive, just give it a try when I suggest it.
Onto the taste. The carbonation is very nice. It’s a refreshing hit to the pallete. It’s got a smooth finish, which will make it easy to pound it faster than “Debbie does Dallas.” I am gonna bull shit right now and assume it’s made with water from the Swiss Alps. That’s what makes it taste so damn good.
For a cheap beer, bought at the local store, I give it a thumbs up!
International beer reviews for this week…hopefully. Currently I am in Zurich Switzerland and considering it’s currently 1108am in NYC, why wouldn’t I be popping open a beer right now. Off to the store I go, it was more like a 7-11, with the cashier talking about a cake called n***** head. I’ll let you guess what that means.
After casually looking at all the different food in tubes and shelf stable cheese, I stumbled upon the tiny beer selection. I notice the Franziskaner Weissbier, which I am already familiar with and wanted to try a variety of beers I have not had. The green and orange glow of Desperados caught my eye…and then the word Tequila. I am not the biggest tequila drinker, but I have never had beer flavored with tequila, today is the day.
It smells like gingerale. Metallic gingerale. Beer in cans tends to be that way, plus the only thing I could find in bottles was Schmirnoff…gross. I’ve never let the metallic smell stop me from enjoying a beer.
It tastes like gingerale. It really does. Gingerale with a bit of tequila in it. It’s not overtly sweet, but it does make the beer easy to enjoy. If it weren’t 40 fucking degrees outside, I’d probably want to drink while grilling up some meat. Which I could be doing right now, seeing as how the place I am staying has a bbq grill. Man this gingerale taste is really fucking with me, it almost completely destroys the carbonation of the beer. It’s pretty non existent. The tequila is not over powering at all, which in my case is a good thing, cause I don’t want to be drunk at 1120am est. But it is 520pm here….
At 5.9% I can’t complain really about this beer. It’s easy to drink and makes everything feel like it’s gonna be alright; despite the rain, awkward conversations and jet lag.
Same color as my shirt!!! Saaaaaaaaaayyyy what?!?
After somehow ending up in the Trader Joes in Manhattan, I naturally wandered over to the beer selection. Not much, not cold, boring. This 22oz bottle I believe might have been $5.
This is called, Boatswain…according to wikipedia a boatswain or bosun is an unlicensed member of the deck department of a merchant ship. Ok, we’ve all gotta start somewhere and I guess naming your beer after some dude that watches cargo get loaded and unloaded and probably doesn’t get paid, is a good place to start. I looked deeper into what Wikipedia has to say about these dudes and you know what I realized? I don’t give a shit who is a “notable” boatswain. I’d rather go back to my you tube videos of comedians getting heckled.
Ok, I guess I’ll talk about the beer. It’s an American IPA at 6.7% ABV. I can’t tell if I like this beer. I suppose for the price, I can’t expect much, but there are literally no hops in this beer. Maybe I got a bad batch, but it’s bland as all hell. It’s quenches the palate but an IPA this ain’t. It actually went really well with the sandwich I ate that was covered in Sriracha. It’s got a bitter finish to each sip. The texture is like liquid pennies. A copper flavor, even though the beer is in a bottle. Seriously, it’s like every sip I take now is more metallic. If it was adamantium, I would have no fucking problem.
Overall this beer isn’t the worst, but by no means would I recommend going out of your way to look for it. In the same way that you buy 2 buck chuck from Trader Joes, don’t expect the line to be around the block for this beer. Enjoy it for what it is, a beer named after a group of men that were “servants” (nice way of saying slaves) and you didn’t pay more than 5 bucks for it.
It’s finally in the 70’s today in New York and I decided it’s about time to start drinking some spring beers. Abita Brewing Company hails from Louisiana. That means there were probably gross Mardi Gras Girls Gone Wild swimming in the vats that make this beer. Meh I’ll deal with it.
The Strawberries were picked late in the season meaning the strawberries are at their sweetest. This can be a good or bad thing depending on your view of “fruity” beers. While this doesn’t taste like a Lambic beer, it is very easy to drink. I will most likely go through this six pack and not get drunk on it’s 4.2% ABV.
The beer is very crisp and easy to drink, I can see why all the women ask for this beer. It is delicious and makes you feel like trailer park Sex and The City. This is actually pretty close to soda, shitty shitty soda that is carbonated and not much flavor going on. It’s like that time I got really excited when I found a new soda on my lunch break and I paid $3 for it. I get down in the breakroom and crack it open and it tastes horrible. So I throw it in the trash can…not emptying it down the sink drain, no recycling…I throw it away.
I won’t be doing that to this beer, but there was more hype about it than payoff. I WAS promised cupcakes made from it though. Bonus.
A trucker hat is certainly not required to drink this beer, in fact it is the exact opposite of what you should wear when drinking La Fin du Monde. Which is French for “The End of The World”. I’m sold. As a person that is intrigued by the “end”, 2012, Y2k, aliens, zombies and infection I can assure you when the end happens I will have this Golden Ale by my side as I nurse an awesome shotgun round to the face.
This ale has nice carbonation and makes love to your tongue gently, like it’s your first time. The taste of fruits and cloves mixes well and doesn’t taste like sun tan lotion. It has a slight banana taste, which had me envision monkeys in lab coats making this beer and then Dave from accounting drops by and carelessly throws his banana peel into the vat that clearly states “Don’t throw your food in here”. They screech at each other when they realize Dave fucked up the brewing process, but then recant because it hits the palate just right.
Did I mention it’s sweet? Not overbearing like a Ring Pop, but more like, the subtle sweetness of a Werthers that your grandpa had in the glove compartment of his ‘81 Oldsmobile. Not the “toffee” flavor, but the subtle sweetness of said candy. Does that make sense? Oh, I see, you can’t figure it out? Well then it’s because of all that rock and roll you listen to you hippe.
This is a popular golden ale that is quite refreshing. My suggestion is picking up the awesome 4 pack and sharing with others that long for the end of the world.
You know where I am right now? Do you? Take a guess. See that tile work behind me? Yeah I am in the bathroom. Why? Well I had to take a shit. And if there is one thing you need to know about me, it’s that I won’t let anything get in the way of enjoying a beer. The door is open so I am not trapped with the smell of last nights dinner. But the real question is what is weirder…me drinking a beer AND blogging about it all while taking a shit? Or the fact that I am wearing sunglasses at the same time. You be the judge.
Dales Pale Ale hails (bales, trails and nails…i needed more rhyming) from the great state of Colorado. A 6 pack can cost you damn near $12.99, but it’s a relatively low price to pay for a good beer to drink with friends. The beer has a slight peppery taste with some subtle sweetness and a slight hoppy finish. There isn’t much of a mouthy feel to this beer but once you swallow, you will be begging for more. Mainly because it does have a slightly metallic taste that usually accompanies canned beers. It’s not overwhelming but it’s there. This beer is pretty thirst quenching and I recommend getting it when you can.
I am disappointed with the overall hoppiness of this beer, it’s no IPA, but I was left underwhelmed by it. In the words of the great Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber, “I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.”
That John Dever is full of shit, man.
